can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
