Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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