I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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