My room smells like vodka and shame
she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
