Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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