I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he thought i was a dude.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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