when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
