you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
