I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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