You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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