You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
