its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
