well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
