new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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