yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
