waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
