distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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