guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
