I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
