I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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