I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
