dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
