oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
