even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
