i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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