y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
