idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
