She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
