HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
