We're facebook friends in real life
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
