Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
