Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
