Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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