he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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