We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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