I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
