this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
