thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
