True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
