If i come over, it means nothing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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