I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it hurts more in the daytime
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
