The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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