Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
