Will you blow on my dice?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
