i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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