Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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