at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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