Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
