Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
