I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
