Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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